i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
