Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
