You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
