I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
