OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
