): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
