One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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