Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
