You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
