We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
