ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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