Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
