My room smells like vodka and shame
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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