even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
