My pussy is not your playground.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
its liver damage thursday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
