You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
