Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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