how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
