It's Friday. Sex?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
