I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
