MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
