Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
