Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the day after is always just damage control
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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