Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
