I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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