I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's always time for handjobs
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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