i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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