I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize