last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
