I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
