If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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