Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
