Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
