had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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