Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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