ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
