Where is the hickey?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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