im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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