so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
