I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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