I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
