If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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