I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
