her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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