you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
