i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
