just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Couch. On fire.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
