She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
