I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
