He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
