you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
