my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
