Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
