Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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