He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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