I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
