i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
