so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
