still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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