I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
