Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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