I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize