my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I want a musical about memes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize