What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
