At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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