found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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