3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
