i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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